365 Days of Fear: Day 39

Ahhh good to see you again, it’s not like I wasn’t just writing this morning (haha sarcasm is fun). I must admit, I secretly love Mondays. I don’t really have any commitments past 2:20 so that means I get the rest of my day free! Which is a luxury I don’t have any other night of the week. So if I were to label today it would be “low-key”. In terms of fear, I didn’t really push myself too far today.

There is an event called the President’s Ball coming up and the dress wear is typically described as “semi-formal” or cocktail dress. I have dresses from the various school dances I attended in high school, but none of them were really what I wanted to wear. I was going to settle for an old dress and save some money, but I was searching the internet for dresses with a friend and came across one for 34 dollars and free shipping that was gorgeous and exactly what I wanted.

Typically I would not pull the trigger on this–I’m not really an impulsive buyer. And for some reason fear that I’ll go broke with just one purchase so there was a fear involved, trust me. So I decided to treat myself (one fear at a time). And I cannot wait for the dress to arrive.

39 days down, 326 days to go.


365 Days of Fear: Days 37 and 38

I’m sensing a pattern here. I don’t seem to be able to write regularly on the weekend so I find myself writing twice on Sunday or three times on Monday. Today is one of the triple post days. This weekend was pretty low-key, and wow I love those kind of weekends.

Day 37:

I wasn’t really planning on going out on Saturday. As the day progressed the thought of staying in and watching Shameless until the wee hours was sounding better and better. But then a girl that I live by invited me and a friend out and I decided to go for it. Usually when I have my mind made up about what I’m going to do for a night I don’t like switching it up. That’s just me, I suppose. It scares me to switch things up–as I’m sure you have come to know if you have read any of my other posts. I like having a schedule and following it.

So when faced with the decision to stay in or go out I was hesitant to choose the latter. But I remembered this challenge and set my mind to throwing off my schedule for the night. And I did enjoy myself and had good conversations with an old and new friend.

Throw caution to the wind every once in a while, maybe you’ll enjoy it.

Day 38:

Yesterday I went to the MIAC championship basketball game at a different university–one that I haven’t ever been to before. I went with a friend who has also never been to the school. We are both not ones to ask others for directions and prefer getting lost over asking a stranger to point us in the right direction. But as we got there we were becoming very confused over the layout of the college and where exactly we were (and, yes, we were using a map). So as we left the car I made a resolve to ask someone to show us where the athletic building was. As I approached the first person I saw I became nervous–I am a very awkward human. But once I asked she was very kind and showed us the easiest way to get there. Bless her soul.

38 days down, 327 to go!

365 Days of Fear: Day 36

Ahhh Minnesota. We were supposed to get up to ten inches of snow and all the school districts around Gustavus were closed for the day. And guess what I woke up to? Maybe a quarter inch of snow and a day of regular classes. What makes it even better is that my hometown of Rochester got upwards of 6(ish?) inches and had the day off of school.

Last night I let my best friend braid my hair. When I agreed to this I figured it would be a french braid or something of the sort. Of course she was not on the same page as me, what’s new. She began taking chunks of my hair, without a real pattern, and braiding it in various widths. By the end I would describe it as a “beautiful mess”Screen Shot 2017-02-24 at 12.16.07 PM.png

Not the best quality picture, but you get the idea.

So I left the braids in for the night. I figured “what’s the harm?” I’ll just wake up with wavy hair. Well, let’s just say I was wrong.Screen Shot 2017-02-24 at 12.17.08 PM.png

I woke up about a half an hour before I was supposed to meet my roommate before class. Definitely not the adequate amount of time to fix that. So I did what I could and ended up with a very voluptuous ponytail. Now, I don’t like changing my hair, and I don’t like wearing my hair up because I feel like it makes my babyface more prominent. But today I had to face both of those fears for lack of a better option. I was not about to go out in public with the hair I woke up with, that was pushing this challenge a little too far.

So far I’ve actually gotten compliments on it. People have said that I look cute with my hair like this and that it suits me. Who woulda thunk.

36 days down, 329 to go!

365 Days of Fear: Day 35

Oh wow, I don’t think I’ve ever loathed a day as much as I loathe Thursdays. I know, I know most people have a distaste for Sundays or Mondays, but for me Thursdays are the epitome of bad. It’s the end of the week, I have a full day of classes, and I’m usually exhausted. So I don’t typically want to push myself out of my comfort zone on days that already push my limits. Today in terms of fear I honestly didn’t face any large ones or blatant ones.

So today I decided to let myself relax instead of always doing something in my free time. This does scare me, I feel as if I’m not being productive I’m not using my time well. And although I preach about self-care and its importance I often find it hard to practice it. I am go, go, go. So slowing down and relaxing was hard for me. And today was the perfect day to do so. Instead of working on readings for my American Lit 2 class during my hour break between classes I watched an episode of Shameless. And it felt good. Bad habits die hard, but maybe someday I’ll be a “chill” person.

365 Days of Fear: Day 34

Today was the last day of the semester that I didn’t have anything scheduled in the evening. And I decided that I would my time to good use and work out instead of sitting on my butt and watching yet another episode of Shameless and eating Girl Scout cookies (bless my mentee).

I walked to the gym and settled into my usual routine: 3 miles on the elliptical and then abs on the mats on the uppermost level. After I finished my 3 miles and cleaned of the elliptical (someone’s gotta do it) I headed up to my usual ab workout spot. Once I reached the top level of the stairs, and it was a real struggle after the elliptical, I realized that I had come at a busier time of day than I usually did. And this meant that more people would be using the one of the only padded mats in the gym. Typically I would have turned myself around and walk back to my dorm room and do my abs in the security of my own room. But, today I decided to face this fear: I fear doing abs in front of other people (especially ones I do not know).

So I sat down in one of the only open spots on the mat and began to do my usual ab routine (something else I need to work on switching up, but that is for another day). And guess what! The world did not end, no one even noticed me doing my abs. I would say that’s a successfully conquered fear.

34 days down, 331 days to go!

365 Days of Fear: Day 33

Today I had the privilege to go on a field trip with my class called “Digging In”. We went to a county park called 7 Mile Creek, and simply explored and took some (very loose) data. This semester we will be creating a website for the park seeing as the one they currently have is sparse and outdated. There is also a chance that we will recreate their brochure as well. It is a pretty cool initiative to be involved in and today was the perfect day to head 7 miles off campus and explore a wonderful park.

Along the river that flows through the majority of the park we were supposed to take temperatures and pictures to help collect data and material for the website. As I was taking a shot of the river one of my good friends, Mari, walked into the picture. Typically I would stop taking pictures at this point–I feel as though I’m invading someone’s space if I take pictures of them without their knowing. But today I decided to say “screw that” to the voice in my head and take some candids of a good friend. I mean I’m always seeing tweets about how people wish that they had friends to take cool candids of them so I decided to be that friend today. And I must admit the pictures turned out Insta-worthy. And I think from now on I will be the official candid picture-taker of my friends.

33 days down, 332 to go!

365 Days of Fear: Day 32

For much of my college career I have ended my days by watching an episode (or two, or three) of whatever show on Netflix I am watching. I used it as a way to wind down from the day and relax. But I’ve come to notice that watching it right before bed has changed how fast I fall asleep. It takes me longer and I’m much more restless. So I’ve decided to make my fear for today related to that.

I am challenging myself to not watch Netflix at night (aka in my bed before I go to sleep) for at least a week…not including weekends. I’m not at the point where I can give that up just yet, but maybe some day. Gotta start small, people. Instead of watching Netflix I am going to read or write for pleasure–not for school. I have not been able to do either of these things as much as I have wanted to and this is the perfect opportunity to do so.

And to update you on my no-spending week challenge I was successful! Well, except I bought a couple boxes of girl scout cookies (5 to be exact) from my mentee. Hey, don’t blame me–it was a necessity and I was simply supporting her as a girl scout.

32 days down, 333 to go!

365 Days of Fear: Day 31

Ahhh Sundays, I love them so much. Usually because there are tater tots in the caf, but also because I get to spend the whole day lazing around with no expectations. Livin’ the life right? Of course that means that I didn’t really get out much (what’s new) so finding a fear was difficult (what’s new…again). But then one presented itself to me! I saw that a friend from high school had been on campus, sadly I didn’t know until she was gone, but I used this knowledge as an opportunity to reach out to her and spark conversation. I have not talked to her in quite a few months, and I am hoping that this allows me to catch up with her!

I don’t typically initiate conversations to begin with, but most definitely not with people I have not seen for almost a year. But I feel as though now is a better time than never to start reconnecting with people who made me who I am today.

At this moment in time I haven’t gotten a response yet, but hopefully there will be one soon and we can catch up! And I think I’ll continue this challenge just because I miss my friends.

31 days down, 334 to go!

365 Days of Fear: Day 30

I’ve made it to the 30s!! And I’m still a day behind, what a big shocker. I decided to split Saturday and Sunday up because I have yet to do anything that scares me today. Yesterday was fairly uneventful–just how I like my Saturdays. Lots of Netflix and my roommate and I ordered pizza! I was debating whether or not I wanted to leave and do something last night. I had a pretty crazy weekend last weekend and I kind of wanted to keep it low-key. But at the last moment I decided that the fear I would face for the day would be going out, and going out with people I’m not super close with.

I like to go out and have fun, but I like doing so with people I know. I like having someone to talk to at parties. I enjoy having a few friendly faces in the room. My anxiety makes it hard for me to go up to new people and strike up conversations. I suppose that I tackled two fears by going out and then talking to some new people. Just by doing this I was able tell my anxiety in a way that it will not control me. Which is pretty darn cool I’d say.

Well, you’ll be seeing me again today after I conquer a fear for Sunday!

30 days down, 335 to go!

365 Days of Fear: Days 28 and 29

Ahh yes, here I am a day behind again. I was doing pretty well there for a while, but Thursdays get me every time. I’m sure by now you know that I have class pretty much all day and on top of that I had three essays to write. College is fun.

Day 28

The fear I conquered on Thursday probably wasn’t one that many would suggest, but for the sake of my sanity and time-usage I decided to go for it. On Thursdays I have a three hour lab from 1:30-4:20pm. When I was halfway through class I realized I had so much writing to do. We, coincidentally, were using our laptops in class that day and I decided to just go for it and get one of my articles for the week done in class.

I am not one to typically do something like this in class, let alone sitting in the front row (as I was doing). But I decided to go for it, which seems to be a theme in all of these posts. I tried to type as quietly as possible and deflect attention from myself by answering questions (as contradictory as that sounds…). Eventually, after a couple close calls and a suspicious girl sitting behind me, I finished the article and was able to cross something off of my very long checklist for the day. God bless.

Day 29

So, my section (in which I live) has had quite a few changes since move-in day. Through roommate changes, people switching dorms, and others leaving it got to the point where half of the girls in my section had a single room. And no one was complaining. But along the way a girl had some issues in another dorm and needed to move somewhere ASAP. Of course the building director thought of our small, little section first. And we were actually very excited to have someone new move in–as quick as the process was.

Today she moved in and I saw her at various times in the process but did not say anything in fear of my awkwardness showing up (another theme that seems to be dominating this challenge). But as she was talking about what section she was heading to with her friends helping her move I heard her mention the section and decided to speak up. And as per the usual, it did not go as bad as I planned. Although I’m pretty positive I heard one of the guys she was with say something along the lines of “who the heck was that?”

Story of my life, what can you do? (insert shrug emoji here)

29 days down, 336 to go!