365 Days of Fear: Days 87-89

I had every intention of posting this yesterday. It was pulled up on my computer and I had half of it written, but I, of course, got distracted. Nothing new in the life of Ella, I suppose.

Day 87

Having Monday off was amazing. I had no clue how much I needed that day to catch up on homework and actually get a little bit ahead. Because let’s be real, I was not about to do homework on the weekend. Yes, I know. If I would have done my homework over the weekend I wouldn’t have needed Monday but that’s beyond the point I’m trying to make here.

My fear for Monday was centered around food yet again. I’m not very adventurous when it comes to food. But, because of my suddenly extremely decreased appetite, I’ve been even more pick out of my desire not to upchuck my entire meal. But I took my sister out for lunch at our favorite bagel place (Bruegger’s) and wanted to try something breakfast-like.

I had slept in (of course, who doesn’t when they don’t have class on a Monday?) and was considering this lunch date my breakfast. My stomach was rebelling and was telling me that a breakfast sandwich would be a bad idea. But I decided to screw it and face my fear of puking in a public place (potentially).

Luckily I did not have to face that particular fear, and I really hope I never do! The sandwich went fine and I felt good for a majority of the day (yeet yah as the teens are saying these days).

Day 88

Ah yes, I just love Tuesdays (not). And this particular Tuesday I had to give a presentation in front of a class that I am not entirely comfortable in. It’s a short class that only meets twice a week so I don’t know the people super well. They’re probably great, but it still scared me to give the presentation.

But that is not the fear that I faced. My professor asked if anyone would be willing to time the presentations and I was hesitant to raise my hand. Normally, I would not have a problem doing such a task. But since I would have to give cues and cut people off (potentially) when they reached the time limit, it made me nervous.

But I decided to just face that fear head on and volunteer! Of course, nothing bad happened, but anxiety likes to convince you something will.

Day 89

Wednesdays are a little more bearable for me. I tend to stay up a little too late (for my standards) on nights when I know I don’t have an 8 am so I am usually a little groggy. But I don’t typically have many commitments so the days are doable.

I’m actually writing this before I accomplish facing this particular fear, but I cross my heart and hope to die/pinky swear that I will do it!

Tonight I have study buddies. For this, I go to St. Peter’s community center and help adult English language learners learn English. The community center is not that far away but involves a walk down and back up a hill we tout “death hill” at Gustavus.

Since I hurt my back I have been hesitant to climb the hill–especially when it’s raining and gloomy. I’m scared I will trip and fall and make everything worse. But today I decided to say screw it (what’s new) and walk myself down there.

Walking helps me with my anxiety and depression so I figured that there really isn’t anything to lose (knock on wood that I don’t wipe out please). So let’s see what happens…

89 days down, 276 to go!


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